Do "Book Cobblers" Exist?

I need one to fix my books yo!

Bila kasut terkopak atau tapaknya sudah nipis seperti bikini Pamela Anderson kita boleh hantar kasut tersebut ke tukang kasut.

Kalau beg koyak boleh suruh tukang julit untuk tampak koyak tersebut. Masa sekolah dulu kalau beg koyak aku cover koyak tu dengan patch logo Oakland Raider . So tak la cacat sangat. Kenapa Oakland Raiders? Pasal masa tu Oakland Raider tengah hot.. sekarang Pittsburg Steelers yang hot

Kalau jeans koyak pula ada je kedai alter yang boleh baiki. Aku tak tahu kenapa area bontot jeans aku cepat koyak. Adakah kerana bontot aku besar sangat macam Kim Kardassian?

Maka aku tertanya;

Tukang buku ada ke kat Malaysia ni? Banyak buku aku dah rabak. Macam buku ni... So anyone ada clue kat mana boleh carik tukang baiki buku?

p/s: 8 years of flight training. Navigational holographics online. 50 combat missions. Course confirmed for slingshot exit of the solar system. Just so I could take the family camper on an interstellar picnic.

Overheard At KLIA yesterday

Telinga aku memang bionik

Semalam aku jemput parents dan adik aku dari Kuching. Sementara tunggu diorang clear baggage aku lepak la kat arrival hall sambil baca buku. Sebelah aku ada la sekumpulan pakcik teksi tengah chilling sambil baca paper. In case kamu tak tahu telinga kiri aku separa pekak, tapi telinga kanan aku jadi super sensitive. Maka aku pun terdengarlah perbualan pakcik-pakcik tadi;

"Kesian is Maikel ni.. dah mati berapa hari tak tanam-tanam jenazahnya"
"Betul ke dia masuk Islam?"
"Aku dengar dia masuk Islam masa kat london dulu.Abang dia cakap lah"
"Mana engkau dengar berita ni?"
"Aku baca dari URTV,muka depan lagi cerita tu"
"Ye ke?"
"Iye.. aku ingat pasal sebelah berita tu ada gambar Zila Bakarin tertonggek. Best tu!"
"Apa nama Islam dia?"
"Mikael tak silap aku"
"So nama dia Mikael Abdullah la sekarang?"
"Tak, Mikael Jackson.. ubah name depan je"
"Oh"
"Tapi kesianlah kalau camtu,seksa mayat"
"Dah meninggal sejak jumaat tak tanam lagi memang kesian"
"Ni la jadi kalau agama tak kuat,suka hati je tanam lambat-lambat"
"Nasib baik Malaysia ni bagus Islamnya.. tak ada kes lengah-lengah tanam mayat"
"Betul tu!"

Aku tahan gelak je la. Konfiden je dia cakap takde kes lengah-lengah tanam mayat. Dia lupa ke masa Arwah Tunku Jaafar meninggal hari tu, lepas 3 hari baru ditanam mayat dia. Short term memory sungguh kamu ni pakciks teksi.

p/s: My producer is doing this to me, isn't he? I ask for a BAD guy and he gives me Michael Jackson? I can't take it anymore!

Good Idea Bad Idea #6

Michael Jackson Memorial Week Special #2

A day late but here is the second part of the Michael Jackson’s GIBI special.

DISTINCTIVE DANCE MOVE

GOOD IDEA

Hands up who here does not know what a moonwalk is. I can see that no hands are in the air. How many artistes in the world can claim that his dance move is known the world over? Not many I think and most of them didn’t have a career as long as good ole MJ. You can argue that James Brown had his own dance move too. But his dance move is no way as cool or often imitated like the MJ’s moonwalk. The moonwalk is such a phenomenon that we can still see young artiste like Chris Brown and Usher doing it in their show. The Macarena was famous for a few months and then it died a horrible death. Same goes to the Lambada , Makarena and The Ketchup Song (Asereje aha hehe.. bla bla <--- damn this song is bloody annoying!) dance move. You won’t see people busting a move in the dance floor doing the Makarena to show how good a dancer he/she is. That is how awesome the moonwalk is.

I hate the song but the chick in the middle is cute!

Mikey then invented a few more versions of the moonwalk. For example there is the 360 degrees moonwalk where he basically rotates on the spot in a slow mo moonwalk. This was done so that the move will not get stale. I tried to do the moonwalk back in the days but until today I fail to do a decent one. I guess that is what makes the Moonwalk so unique and special. It’s awesome to look at and near impossible to do perfectly. Only the good dancers can imitate it so the exclusiveness of the dance move will be intact. Same can’t be said about the Macarena or Ketchup Song. When everyone can do it and have group session with it the dance move now moves into the “lame shit” category. Honestly dear readers, try doing a Macarena and the Ketchup Dance now and people will laugh at your lame ass. Try doing a Moonwalk now and people will still be impressed by your skill.


BAD IDEA

MJ became super famous after inventing the moonwalk. 20 years later another young black male came into the music scene with his own unique dance move. He then spread the cancer of his dance move with step by step instructional video. With the web conquered this young African American end up selling gazillions of his hit single. His name is Soulja Boy

Oh noes. not jew too natalie!!!

I can guarantee that Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em (that is his full name son!) got his ideas from Michael Jackson. If MJ can make a killing based on his one unique dance move so can he. Macarena and Ketchup Song were annoying but the two groups who invented the lame ass dance move died soon after never to be seen again. Soulja Boy rode the Soulja Move popularity and is now a full fledge rap superstar. He will be around for a few more years and continue to “crank” more annoying songs to torture your cochlea.

p/s : You guys gotta get in the middle of the country. Get in the middle of the country there! Stop those kids from praying in school first. I want you to hang around by playgrounds, I want you to hang around schoolyards.

PICTURE CREDITS

MTV.com
Daily Mail

The Sexiest Moonwalk Ever

Effi seorang blogger yang pemalas!

I know I'm supposed to be posting the second part of my GIBI about Michael. But the problem is I am having "fun" cannibalising my baby sister's PC parts. The old PC died about 2 months ago and it was irreparable. So now i need to harvest the parts that can be reused in her new PC. I also have to send the old PC parts for recycling.

I am sorry for not being able to update anything significant today. But I have something to soothe the anger. Check out the sexiest (or maybe cutest) moonwalk ever captured on tape. Check out them legs boys!!



p/s : You wanna know why I'm doing this, do you? I just wanna get everybody high, Man. You know, some good drugs. Nothing wrong with that, is there?

Good Idea Bad Idea #5

Michael Jackson Memorial Week Special #1

In order to honour the man I decide to write just about MJ for the entire week. Lets kick off our MJ appreciation week with another installment of Good Idea Bad Idea (GIBI). This time around, we will see how good ideas first pioneered by Michael ends up being overused and raped by artistes that came after him.

Music Videos as Mini Movies

GOOD IDEA

The first music video that was played on MTV was The Buggles’s Video Killed the Radio Star. The video was absolutely shite by today’s standard but that video started the MTV revolution. Michael one-ups his contemporaries by making high concept video clips. Before Michael, video clips were cheaply made and shot on videos instead of film. Michael with the help of John Landis produced what might be the most famous music video ever made with Thriller. The mini movie cum music video ran for a 13 minutes. It also came with its own title sequqnce and rolling credit at the end. With that one video, Michael changed how music video would be use for the next 25 years.

Nice track + nice concept + nice dance move =the best music video ever?

Nowadays music videos and launching an album came hand in hand.It would be suicidal to launch and album without a killer music video to compliment the first single. A good music video can make or break an artiste career. When I was a kid, I can’t wait for Michael to come out with a new album and singles just so that I can see his next kick ass music video. It might sound funny to the younger readers to this site but back in the 80’s music videos on TV was quite rare. Instead of showing adverts, TV3 would should one video clip to fill in the time in between shows. I remember watching the Smooth Criminal music video and was absolutely gobsmacked by the awesomeness. But since it’s on the telly, I often miss the beginning part. I would then ask my sister to keep watch of the TV when I was not watching it.

“Kalau ada video MJ jangan lupa jerit kat abang! Tak nak miss lagi starting Smooth Criminal”

So I could be in my room playing with my LEGO when suddenly my sister Erni would scream on top of her lungs.

“Abang ada video Michael Jackson sekarang.. cepat!!”

These days if a new video came out and you just saw the tail end of it, one can just YouTube it later. Even the heavily censored music video can be found within 5 minutes of clever Googling. Kids these days have no idea how lucky they are!

BAD IDEA

Well the bad thing is these days we have way too many high concept videos. I wouldn’t mind if they are any good but most of today’s music video are just flash with no real story. Some tried to emulate the epicness of Smooth Criminal or Thriller but failed miserably. The nadir of the mini movie high concept video is Justin Timberlake’s What Goes Around video. It was supposed to be a mini movie but the “movie” lacks any story worth watching. Unlike MJ’s videos, there was not even a memorable dance scene that makes you go wow. It is just fucking lame. You know your video failed when not even Scarlet Johanson wearing a very sexy corset failed to make me give a damn.

9 minutes of pure shit - the fourth minute is just WTF?

Worst still when you have rap video directed Hype Williams. He will open each video with “hype production 200x presents”......... “A hype William video”................ “ In collabo with Young Jeezy”. Then the video will be your typical paint by numbers rap video. Bling, ho, money and wheels. Rinse and repeat until your brain cave in. Now as I said , Michael’s videos were events in itself. People waited in anticipation for his expensive videos. What we have now are videos that emulate MJ’s video but lack the “umph”. In the end, you can say Michael was responsible for the blingtastic video that we have now. Thanks for nothing dude!


DISTINCTIVE LOOK AND STYLE

GOOD IDEA

Granted this is not exactly something that was invented by Michael but he is probably the person that utilised it the most. When asked to describe Michael a few things will pop into our head

1. The one handed glittering glove
2. The fedora hat
3. The seluar senteng complete with glittering socks
4. The old fashion army jacket
5. The multitude of chains that snaked around his body

That's what makes Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson. That is why I say MJ was probably responsible for popularising the need to have that ONE DISTINCTIVE look that people will remember an artiste by. For almost 30 years, he didn’t change much of his style say when compared to Madonna. Even Elvis only invented his huge sideburns, aviator glass and Vegas style leisure suit in the final years of his life. Michael kept it up for almost 3 decades. That took commitment. I won’t be surprised if he is buried all dressed up as the picture above. That way he will be ready for that final gig in the sky. Ha ha

BAD IDEA

MJ created the template and everyone else then tried to make their own too. The key word here is "tried". Some works some don’t. Here is a list of other artistes that tried to create their own eccentric look/style in the mould of Michael.

Flava Flav – Giant watch as necklace and fake crown

Lil’ John – Crunk cup and blinged out grills

Lil Wayne – 3 syrofoam cups stacked into one another

Meanwhile in Malaysia we have put up with these people

Bandi Amok



The infamously lame "bandangan" Adam AF

I rest my case. Part deux coming tomorrow.

p/s : Remember, a younger customer always turns into a loyal customer. Remember that! Remember that!

PICTURE CREDITS

MTV
Akademi Fantasi Forum
Flickr Sembronoh

Cerita Hari Jumaat

Komentar hari jumaat tapi publish hari sabtu pasal Jacko mati.

Hari jumaat ialah hari yang paling chill. boeh lepak dan look forward kepada weekend yang selalunya tak chill. Aku tak suka weekend pasal selalunya aku jadi sangap nak mampos. Nak update blog pun malas pasal page view pada watu hujung minggu akan turun sekurang-kurangnya 30%. So aku boleh deduce yang kebanyakkan diantara kamu baca blog sengal ni dari komputer pejabat. Maka aku secara direct telah berdosa kerana buat kamu curi tulang! Kalau aku ada tulis blog entry yang kelakar, aku berdosa buat kamu terkekeh-kekeh ketawa seorang diri sehingga jiran cubicle kamu ingatkan kamu sudah hilang akal. Maaf! Aku serius. Tapi kenapa korang check blog aku masa dipejabat aje? Kat rumah takde internet ke?

Aku suka hari jumaat pasal dapat tidur masa khutbah. Yes aku ngaku aku suka tidur masa khutbah. Well don’t blame me people. Aku dah pergi sembahyang jumaat since umur aku 10 tahun. So the last 20 years aku asik dengar the same thing repeated over and over again. Kadang kala je ada khutbah yang best. Selalunya yang best ini ialah ustaz jemputan yang tak baca teks khutbah yang diselaraskan oleh Jabatan Agama Negeri. Maka tak ada intonasi baca khutbah yang monotonous dan sebijik macam gaya ucapan VIP masa rasmikan Tadika (VIP seperti Tun Abdulah Badawi atau Tun Ghaafar Baba yang notorious dengan gaya bosan!) . Yes I said it. I just said that khutbah yang ditulis jabatan agama negeri bosan macam cerita lakonan Farid Kamil. Bosan kerana asik ulang topic yang sama (solat,sedekah,islam agama terbest didunia dan bersyukur – ini topic paling selalu dikitar semula) dan ini tidak dibantu oleh khatib yang sampaikan khutbah macam dia sendiri nak tidur.

"Oleh ituuuuuuuuuuu...........................marilah kita sama-sama.....................................bersyukur dengan kurniaan Allah .................................zzzzzzzzzzz"

Nasib baik masjid aku selalu ada khatib jemputan. Dia just wing it on the pulpit so khutbah dia berapi.. keras dan kalau nasib baik menyentuh isu politik semasa. Tapi khutbah macam ni jarang pasal takut orang ALIF TENDANG WAU panas telinga pasal pemimpin terchenta kena “tegur” oleh khatib jemputan. To be honest I rather listen to these fire and brimstone kinda of sermons than the usual pre written crap system that we have now.

"Kenapa umat islam seramai 2000 juta ini mundur? kerana pemimpin islam yang kita ada sekarang tidak cukup Islam dihati mereka. Mereka berkiblatkan barat, timur atau utara tapi tidak berkiblatkan agama Islam yang suci dan sunnah rasulnya!! KABABOOOOOOM!"

Bercakap pasal khutbah aku perasan yang zaman sekarang ni budak-budak muda macam dah tak respect khutbah. Khatib sibuk berkhutbah diorang boleh berborak macam kat kedai kopi. Kalau budak belum mumayyiz dan bersunat aku boleh terima lagi. Tapi lately aku perasan budak pakai uniform sekolah menengah yang ligat berborak. Kalu berborak pasal perkara duniawi biasa tak apa lagi. Ini tidak, yang buat aku menyirap sedap je cakap babi,pukimak, anjing dan taik dalam perkarangan masjid. I admit that I am not the best example of a muslim. In fact I am not even a good muslim. But I do have certain rules that I would never break. One of them is when you are near a mosque you must behave accordingly.

Macam aku cakap earlier, aku start pergi sembahyang jumaat start umur aku sepuluh tahun. Sebab utamanya ialah abah aku nak pastikan aku dah mumayyiz baru dia bawak aku pergi solat. Kalau tidak ganggu makmum lain solat dan putuskan saf aje. Dia dapat dosa free-free sebab aku tak solat betul-betul. Abah akan test bacaan aku. Betul tak Al-fatihah. Betul tak bacaan sujud, ruku’, dua sujud dan sebagainya. Bila dah lulus baru abah bagi aku ikut dia solat di masjid. Tapi masa umur aku sepuluh tahun dia tak bagi aku solat di dewan solat utama. Bak kata dia aku ni tak cukup bersih lagi. Dengan kata lain aku tak bersunat lagi maka kena duduk saf belakang. Dia pastikan aku kat situ dan aku mesti ikut arahan dia. Aku start pergi masjid masa aku tinggal di Kedah. Di masjid Anak Bukit ada disediakan kawasan solat untuk “anak-anak kecil”. Outside dari Kedah aku tak pernah nampak papan tanda macam ni di masjid. It is a common knowledge that you will stop being an anak kecil if you are circumcised. I quickly grew tired of praying in the kiddie zone. So by the end of the year I asked my dad to get me circumcised. I still remember the very first day I prayed in the main hall. Memang rasa macam dewasa abis. Kalau ada kawan yang belum sunat nak join kita siap boleh sound lagi

“Engkau tak sunat lagi so tak boleh join kitorang”

Hahaha. Funny how an inch of flaccid skin can make a world of difference!

Which brings me to the stupidty that I saw weekly in mosque these days. Bapak bawak anak kecil lepas tu biar anak dia merayau-rayau dalam kawasan masjid. Siap main kapal terbang pun ada aku tengok sometimes. Bapak dia buat derk je macam tak apa anak dia main-main dalam dewan solat. What the fuck punya bapak ni? Dah tu paling annoying kalau orang dah solat anak dia bole main-main sebelah dia. Letakkan dalam saf yang sama padahal tak mumayyiz lagi budak tu. Sure la jugak tak sunat lagi pasal tengok muka pun tahu still budak tu still “mat kulup”. Maybe I am old fashioned when it comes to the rules and adab di masjid. Abah aku ajar aku secukupnya sebelum dia bagi aku ikut dia. Abah zaman sekarang macam jenis hands-off aje. Tangan-tangankan lah anak kamu kalau misbehave dalam masjid. Kalau zaman dulu kalau budak main-main dekat masjid ahli qariah boleh tangan-tangankan pasal it was still socially acceptable for any adult to punish a child. Zaman sekarang dah tak boleh. Kalau cikgu pun dah tak diberi kuasa menghukum pelajar yang perangai macam iblis, apakan lagi ahli qariah separuh masa macam aku nak tangankan anak orang yang tak tahu nak behave dalam masjid.

Man I miss the good old days. It was crueler and less politically correct. But at least everything was in order and people know their places. You don’t have to be told how to behave when in the house of god. You just know what’s right. What the hell is wrong with the world these days eh?

p/s : Basic psychology is among my sub-routines.

Michael Jackson is Dead Today

King of Pop Is Dead

Michael Joesph Jackson died today of a suspected cardiac arrest in Los Angeles. He was pronounced dead after arriving at UCLA Medical Centre.Rest in peace dude. I would like to thank Mikey for making Thriller. That album gave me the creeps. When I misbehaved, my mom would play the end part of the song on the home stereo. We use to have one of those huge separate systems complete with the 2-foot tall speakers. Mom would crank it up so the whole house can hear the tape running on that stereo. At the end of the song in case you are not familiar with it, Vincent Price let out the most evil laughter ever recorded in human history. I was scarred for life. So thanks Mikey for that!

That song was then used by me to scare the living daylights out of my sisters. Later in my early teens, I would play the tape, set the volume to max and then pretend that the cackling laughter came from me. Ha ha ha.

RIP Michael Jackson.

Here is my all time Michael Jackson song. The message of this song is just simply amazing. This video ALWAYS gave me the goose pimples.

Man In The Mirror

Ooh ooh ooh aah
Gotta make a change
For once in my life
It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

As I turned up the collar on
A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind
Pretending not to see their needs

A summer's disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other
On the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change, yey
Na na na, na na na, na na na na oh ho

I've been a victim of
A selfish kinda love
It's time that I realize
There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan
Could it be really pretending that they're not alone

A willow deeply scarred
Somebody's broken heart
And a washed out dream
(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make that change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
(Man in the mirror, oh yeah)
I'm asking him to change his ways, yeah
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make the change
You gotta get it right, while you got the time
'Cause when you close your heart
(You can't close your, your mind)
Then you close your mind

(That man, that man, that man)
(That man, that man, that man)
(With the man in the mirror, oh yeah)
(That man you know, that man you know)
(That man you know, that man you know)
I'm asking him to change his ways
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself then make that change

p/s : I feel the weight of the world bearing down on me. A future I don't want. So I keep running as fast as I can... anywhere... nowhere.